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Feb 7, 2015

I don't know what I want to talk about... just that I want to talk, and share, and be. Here... with you today. 
I think that life gets richer and then even richer still. It can be stagnant and then still. 
But it continues on somehow. Constantly. Weaving energy in and out of the choices you are making moment to moment. 
It breathes with you; inhaling and exhaling as you do. And it laughs with you... whenever you are laughing, and sometimes when you are not. I don't believe that life has been cruel to me. It has only been consistent. With every place I am in my life, it unfolds as I have... when it isn't unfolding, it is because I am not either.....
I have moments I wish I could relive with people I will never spent time with again.
I have much to create with people I will no doubt be connected to for years to come.
All that I feel is beautiful is still within me.  
I try to remember that the thoughts I am generating have a direct effect on my happiness and what happens to me. 
Life seems to give you what you need, over what you want... If you are lucky, you get both..

May 26, 2014

I don't believe that "all things come to an end". I think the mind is a powerful tool, so long as you patronize it. I think that your life, your memories, you thoughts live on for as long as you feed them the breath of your soul. I think that your love for a thing or person doesn't end either; it is endless and as strong and as beautiful as it was the first time you allowed yourself to feel it.
I think very few people are courageous enough to carry on thinking, feeling and loving a thing. It can carry a badge of hurts that temporarily pain you... but there is something beautiful and authentic in that. Certain things in your memory are for always, no matter how much they are "felt". 
Not "all things come to an end"..... even when they do...

Mar 12, 2014

5 WIVES...

So I have this weird and probably scary interest in these polygamy programs on the TLC Network.
I want to see it work! I want to see something new, that I can believe in. Monogamous relationships are difficult enough and I am constantly curious as to how these people do this… I currently finished the Sister Wives series (via DVR) and I began recording the My Five Wives series. Jesus H Christ is it amazing that in the name of God these women have signed up for a life where they are allotted a small amount of time with their husband AND they get to be a witness to his undeniable physical chemistry with other women. A chemistry that produces more and more and MORE children. Amazing. I actually find the Sister Wives show to be a lot easier to watch because although there are visible jealousies and personality conflicts, at least Sister Wives is a show about a polygamous family that is actually open in communication. These women (for the most part) like and even love each other. The My Five Wives series is utterly depressing, as you see five women with almost no connection to each other, shriveling down into these mute and numb beings who can not communicate with each other  properly, and whom harbor massive resentments towards each other. It is actually really sad. They are all so emotionally repressed and their self esteem is non existent. Their poor husband, whom I quite like, is incredibly empathetic and compassionate to all of these ticking-time-bombs he is responsible for. I don't know that any of them are happily married. Everyone seems to just be coping….
Of course I will watch on, and see what develops, but I honestly don't get any enjoyment out of watching a bunch of unheroic women "sicking out" a marriage that is 80% unfulfilling in the name of something… holy. I don't find it at all inspirational, only educational in that it redefines perhaps what an unsatisfactory lifestyle choice this is for most. Twizz

Mar 9, 2014

My Beautiful Ray of Sunshine

Naomi Lee Allen-Ward & Xavier Lee Allen Ward

…Happy Sunday

Mar 2, 2014

Something interesting happened to me twice this past month. I 

observed two different kinds of people who made me think about 

my own life differently. I felt great perspective after observing 

them for a moment.

The first incident happened two weeks ago at Starbucks in Beverly Hills. A woman came in who appeared to be quite normal in a lovely sundress and flat shoes. She looked as though she was holding a camera in her right hand and she was talking to herself. I thought for sure she was on the phone. She was laughing while she was talking and it all seemed quite cheerful. She stood in line for a few moments but didn't order anything and then she turned around still talking to herself and left. She was clearly a bit mental but I thought that she was lovely. Imagine living in your own bubble,  Where everything is really cheerful and nice. I was envious of her.

Just this morning when I was pumping gas in the valley, a man asked me for change which isn't abnormal for that part of town, but he said something that is still on my mind and in my heart. He said "May I please have some change" and before I could even answer he said "it's okay I'm not like them I'm  different from them." Very carefully and with compassion I said "okay." When I drove off it occurred to me that no one who ends up homeless feels like they are like "The rest of them". I'm sure that anyone who had to endure Those circumstances would be quite estranged from the experience. It's that wonderful gift we humans have where we can be in a depressive circumstance and only see optimism; Only see our demise as temporary and never permanent. 

The repeated truth between these two incidences was that the world is truly the way you see it. Your life is a reflection of your thoughts. The woman didn't want any part of the world she was living in, And the man wanted so desperately to be validated by it; He wanted to be seen.

Sep 19, 2013

Three Feet From Gold is what I am currently reading. It is inspirational and forward thinking. I am reading this because I am about to embark on a new chapter of my life. I am relocation, starting up a new company, finishing some writing projects, and there is so much more. In moments of transition like this I think it is important (through some of the chaos) to focus your energy, and although it may seem like reading is taking away from those projects, it actually isn't. Reading (and reading this book in particular) is helping my mind to rest from the hurricane of thoughts I am constantly having, and helps me to focus my energy on something compelling, and intriguing. I am able to refocus and I feel clarity when I go to tackle my own projects.

Three Feet From Gold is about persevering and staying focus and diligent in regards to your passions and talents. It is about staying at it, and not quitting "three feet from gold" It is most fitting for this time in my life.

Apr 19, 2013

the saddest thing in the world is 

to watch a most unique, exotic,

 fragrant, and divine creature wilt 

and decay from the intoxication, 

and addiction to another being whose goodness is utterly imaginary....